I'm not your mother.

I know, I know, not the title you expect to see on a Christian Mom’s Blog, but stick with me.

When the phrase "I'm not your mother" surfaces in a marriage, it often speaks volumes. But for me, the thought that immediately follows is this: "No, you are not his mother, because as a mother, we raise our babies knowing they will leave one day. As a spouse, you are loving him forever." This distinction lies at the heart of understanding the unique and profound commitment of marriage.

The Bible beautifully illustrates this transition in Genesis 2:24: “Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.” This verse highlights a deliberate act of leaving the parental home to cleave, or hold fast, to a spouse. It signifies the creation of a new, primary bond.

The love a mother has is one that nurtures independence, preparing her child to eventually forge their own path. But the love between a husband and wife is intended to be a lifelong journey of interdependence, of becoming one. This hard for me to write having three littles currently ages 9,5 and 2. The thought of not seeing them every day makes me want to cry. However, that’s what we are called to do. Nurture our children and help them grow in Jesus so that when, not if, they leave us, they will be prepared to go in Jesus.

Consider also Proverbs 18:22: “He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the LORD.” The emphasis here is on the act of "finding" a wife. Your children are born to you, a precious gift. But your husband actively chose you. He saw something special, something good, and made a conscious decision to build a life with you. This choice underscores the unique value and intentionality of the marital relationship. This is also why I believe it is so important for us not only to pray for our children, but for the spouses they will eventually choose.

Furthermore, the roles within a marriage, while distinct, are geared towards mutual support and encouragement for life. Ephesians 5:22-24 states, “Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.” In the context of "I'm not your mother," this passage speaks to a wife's role as a supporter and encourager of her husband, much like the church supports Christ. This is different from the role of a mother, whose focus is on training and teaching her children for a season of growth and eventual independence.

As wives, we are not raising our spouses to leave; we are not training them to be a better person, we are building a life together, brick by loving brick, with the expectation of forever. Our role is to be a steadfast partner, a source of encouragement, and a lifelong companion. When we understand this fundamental difference, the phrase "I'm not your mother" takes on a deeper meaning—a loving affirmation of the enduring and chosen commitment of marriage.